Carlston Holler

This is the new exhibit that we did on Saturday at the Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern.

Weeeeee.

It was extremely scary! They give you elbow pads and a calico matt to slide on. It was pretty nerve wracking after hearing the frase's reaction on the way down, but i think its so traumatic that your brain just blocks it out and all you remember is the adrenalin and the rush! I made silly screeching noises that were a bit embarrassing but everyone else did too. Have video footage of shooting out the end and rolling around giggling at the end!

'For Carsten Höller, the experience of sliding is best summed up in a phrase by the French writer Roger Caillois as a ‘voluptuous panic upon an otherwise lucid mind’. The slides are impressive sculptures in their own right, and you don’t have to hurtle down them to appreciate this artwork. What interests Höller, however, is both the visual spectacle of watching people sliding and the ‘inner spectacle’ experienced by the sliders themselves, the state of simultaneous delight and anxiety that you enter as you descend.'

Again, again!!!!!

Munich!!

Guten Abend!

I am writing to you in stilted fashion on a german kezboard where all the letters are in the wrong place, so forgive me, but get used to it.

Munich!!!

Its a strange place, but i never want to leave!

Some of the amaying sights so far-
A dog, on a motorcycle, wearing motorcycle goggles. Yes, goggles! Das ist lustig!

Leiderhosen, everywhere. EVERYWHERE! Dirndl for the ladies, leather trousers- or shorts, for the men. Wunderbar. scott and i feel completely out of place without any embroidery.

Kneeslapping and folk dancing. Kiss me, im a schuhplattler! its strangly thrilling to watch men in leather clap thier hands in a 'virile and impressing manner'.

Cat's 'whores, hags and hangmen' tour around munich.

The beer. The beer. And more beer!!! we went to Oktoberfest on sunday, where they had an amazing parade. the germans definitly know how to parade... amazing brass bands and a very impressive show of beards, moustaches, beer barrels and everything else bavarian!

drank two steins (a litre each stein) and ate half a chicken and some salted radishes. got a gingerbread from scotty that said 'ich leiber dich' in icing. ah! also much dancing and merriment to the oompah bands on the bandstand in the middle of our tent.


sausage for breakfast, lunch and dinner. bavarian white sausage and beer for breakfast! obatza and sausage for lunch! sauerkraut and sausage for tea. no more sausages pls. The proper bavarian way to eat white sausage is to dip it in sweet mustard then suck the meat out through a hole in the end. Never pick it up and eat with a fork. Never eat them after midday. and never eat the skin! usually accompanied with a pretzel. yum!

a willy wonka style tour of the pauliner beer brewery. we were carefull not to drink or touch anzthing we shouldnt.... a dutch man wasnt. we were just waiting for the oompah loompahs to take him away. sadly they didnt, but maybe, maybe.....soon....

Munich has a population of just over 1 million, but during Oktoberfest that almost doubles with an influx of Australians! They are everywhere in packs making dickheads of themselves! Wearing the uniform of boardshorts, thongs and sunglassess on their heads. Getting messy drunk, and acting up on the U-Bahn.

Beautiful dogs! And big!

Cat, our host! she is a real life laura croft, speaks 5 languages fluently (german, english, swedish, mandarin, french, and little bits of classical latin and greek goddammit), she is an archiologist, and actually just a bit foxy. she rocks munich, she makes us tea in the morning, and is the best dj on the scene!!!

Dancing with my Shag hero (he taught me everything i know) Marcus. (of marcus and babel, 'swing World Champions.') er, not sure what year that was, but you can still see they are the best in germany. i couldnt take my eyes off them on the dance floor! and i danced with marcus which was just brilliant, i felt like the best dancer in the world! thats what a lead should make you feel. thanks marcus! i got my MOJO BACK!!!!!

pics still to come for all this.... my camera got nicked a while back and we are waiting on the film to get developed!

Isle of Wight

3 facts that i bet you didnt know about our holiday destination this weekend:

1. A new species of cat-like dinosaur, yet to be named, was discovered on the Isle of Wight in 1988. The 12ft long creature was equipped with murderous claws, razor sharp teeth and unusually long hind legs on which it ran like the wind.
2. Sir Robert Holmes, a swashbuckling pirate and friend of Charles II, lived in the building which is now the George Hotel, Yarmouth. It was Holmes who introduced the Guinea into the British currency, when he brought back gold from New Guinea. Although he became Governor of the Isle of Wight, his piratical inclinations were still evident by the way he was determined to rid home waters of foreign ships, apparently regardless of the legitimacy or otherwise of their business. He waylaid a ship en route to France and discovered a statue, minus its head, which was destined for the court of King Louis XIV, where the sculptor was to complete the head from life. Commandeering the stature and sculptor, Holmes made him complete the head to his own likeness. The statue can be seen today in St. James Church, Yarmouth.
3. Famous Victorian Samuel London, said then to be the biggest man in the world, died in 1844 and his tomb can be seen in the graveyard of the Church of the Holy Cross, Binstead.

I'm also (in an anoraky and embarrassing way) looking forward to spotting some Red Squirrels, which have been ousted form many mainland habitats by the larger more aggressive grey squirrel.

Am taking a book, my bikini, and all my camera lenses!

Guffaw.

The REAL tube map

Its hot in London at the moment. Scorching in fact! Yesterday the temperature was the hottest July day in the south of England since records began.

The met office is ranking it under the extreme weather page. whooa.

This country isn't set up to deal with these temperatures, especially not the tube system.

its sooooo hot.

big brother

Pete and Nikki, bless.

maddened, afflicted and sectioned members of society deserve our affection even more than everyone else; reason: when you are totally drunk they MAKE SENSE. ive now watched a silent sleeping room full of housemates for an hour, and pete has just made a crazy noise in his sleep. scared the bejeesus out of me. its not good, but its entertaining.

and nikki! im so sad she has been voted out. she has taken mental to a new level, its like if paris hiltons mini dog could talk.....

met the girl who was catering for cheryl tweedy and ashly coles wedding tonite. when i told her i am a WAG fan, she offered me work! for you, my dear friends and readers, if only i had known earlier, i would have accepted this as an undercover assignment. will see what i can do in the future... Rosie refuses to serve royalty, so may be able to scab some shifts from her. i have silver service experience (in spilling plum compote over the premier of tasmania~) so may be perfectly placed to spill some beans on Will, Harry or etc.

ooh, someone just coughed.

Volupte

last nite i went to the club of my dreams...... http://www.ladyluckclub.co.uk/message2.html
the black cotton club. check out this delightful place at http://www.volupte-lounge.com/inside.php and start planning your outfit......

paula did victory rolls in my hair, we got dolled up and shimmied and shook the nite away.

good things:

the bar man who did real tricks. hot!
the outfits, misfits and general frolicks
the charleston jam circle
the frase's new face with sideburns
the dj
the martinis
the rope lights on the baby grand
the men in uniforms
surreal grottos and card tables

the bad things:

tipping my own martini over my face. oh well, i did get licked a lot after that.......

Wimbledon

Theres nothing i like better than free things, and centre court tickets at Englands most polite sporting event were, if i may say, rather jolly indeed. strawberries and cream, Pimms in a slurpy cup, ikkle bottles of chardonnay and a lovely summer day... brilliant! gawked at the b grade royals in the box and was informed by a South African players wife that to wear tweed was the biggest faux par you could make as a royal at wimbledon, and of course i scoffed agreement. 'Tweed, at a LAWN tennis event??' None of the Royal Navy, Army, Airforce or Firebrigade removed him from the Royally embroidered seats, so i felt a bit better about spilling smoothie down my skirt.

In other sport news, England are finally out of the world cup. this upsets me as im now an avid fan of WAGs(footballers wives and girlfriends) queen victoria aka 'posh' and her band of crack addicted compulsive couture shopping wag pals. Im not sure if any of them would be able to point out any royals in the stadium, but their views on tweed are likely to be the same.

Will

er.. this is me with will smith.... he he

This is from my christmas party at madame toussauds, jamie oliver isnt my real friend. yet.

Pommie Dan

He has many vices, but not the ones you would expect.... ;)

Is he english? is he aussie? hes pommie dan to the aussies and aussie dan to the poms. pick which one you would like him to be, and im sure he will oblige! the only thing you cant ask him for is that toe thing, he wont do that.




Here he is pictured with the hilarious Voice Changer. Ive just realised that in most of the pics i have of dan, im licking his face. no, i wont show them.

The Frase

Some people say he uses super mind powers to remove his y-fronts at night... others say he survives solely on a diet of worms and martini olives. I say he's HOT.

Introducing some of the main characters in the Jelly Adventure.......

Mistress Dory

Sweet as cherry pie

but still all WOMAN...

ok. here you are. all this is MINE!!!!!!!!!!! ALLL MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.

Note to self. Don't post drunk again.

Err... any ideas on what the hell I should write about?

Hullo, welcome to jelly adventure royale, big, jiggly blog of me. Stay tuned for my london adventures!