Isle of Wight

3 facts that i bet you didnt know about our holiday destination this weekend:

1. A new species of cat-like dinosaur, yet to be named, was discovered on the Isle of Wight in 1988. The 12ft long creature was equipped with murderous claws, razor sharp teeth and unusually long hind legs on which it ran like the wind.
2. Sir Robert Holmes, a swashbuckling pirate and friend of Charles II, lived in the building which is now the George Hotel, Yarmouth. It was Holmes who introduced the Guinea into the British currency, when he brought back gold from New Guinea. Although he became Governor of the Isle of Wight, his piratical inclinations were still evident by the way he was determined to rid home waters of foreign ships, apparently regardless of the legitimacy or otherwise of their business. He waylaid a ship en route to France and discovered a statue, minus its head, which was destined for the court of King Louis XIV, where the sculptor was to complete the head from life. Commandeering the stature and sculptor, Holmes made him complete the head to his own likeness. The statue can be seen today in St. James Church, Yarmouth.
3. Famous Victorian Samuel London, said then to be the biggest man in the world, died in 1844 and his tomb can be seen in the graveyard of the Church of the Holy Cross, Binstead.

I'm also (in an anoraky and embarrassing way) looking forward to spotting some Red Squirrels, which have been ousted form many mainland habitats by the larger more aggressive grey squirrel.

Am taking a book, my bikini, and all my camera lenses!

Guffaw.

The REAL tube map

Its hot in London at the moment. Scorching in fact! Yesterday the temperature was the hottest July day in the south of England since records began.

The met office is ranking it under the extreme weather page. whooa.

This country isn't set up to deal with these temperatures, especially not the tube system.

its sooooo hot.

big brother

Pete and Nikki, bless.

maddened, afflicted and sectioned members of society deserve our affection even more than everyone else; reason: when you are totally drunk they MAKE SENSE. ive now watched a silent sleeping room full of housemates for an hour, and pete has just made a crazy noise in his sleep. scared the bejeesus out of me. its not good, but its entertaining.

and nikki! im so sad she has been voted out. she has taken mental to a new level, its like if paris hiltons mini dog could talk.....

met the girl who was catering for cheryl tweedy and ashly coles wedding tonite. when i told her i am a WAG fan, she offered me work! for you, my dear friends and readers, if only i had known earlier, i would have accepted this as an undercover assignment. will see what i can do in the future... Rosie refuses to serve royalty, so may be able to scab some shifts from her. i have silver service experience (in spilling plum compote over the premier of tasmania~) so may be perfectly placed to spill some beans on Will, Harry or etc.

ooh, someone just coughed.

Volupte

last nite i went to the club of my dreams...... http://www.ladyluckclub.co.uk/message2.html
the black cotton club. check out this delightful place at http://www.volupte-lounge.com/inside.php and start planning your outfit......

paula did victory rolls in my hair, we got dolled up and shimmied and shook the nite away.

good things:

the bar man who did real tricks. hot!
the outfits, misfits and general frolicks
the charleston jam circle
the frase's new face with sideburns
the dj
the martinis
the rope lights on the baby grand
the men in uniforms
surreal grottos and card tables

the bad things:

tipping my own martini over my face. oh well, i did get licked a lot after that.......

Wimbledon

Theres nothing i like better than free things, and centre court tickets at Englands most polite sporting event were, if i may say, rather jolly indeed. strawberries and cream, Pimms in a slurpy cup, ikkle bottles of chardonnay and a lovely summer day... brilliant! gawked at the b grade royals in the box and was informed by a South African players wife that to wear tweed was the biggest faux par you could make as a royal at wimbledon, and of course i scoffed agreement. 'Tweed, at a LAWN tennis event??' None of the Royal Navy, Army, Airforce or Firebrigade removed him from the Royally embroidered seats, so i felt a bit better about spilling smoothie down my skirt.

In other sport news, England are finally out of the world cup. this upsets me as im now an avid fan of WAGs(footballers wives and girlfriends) queen victoria aka 'posh' and her band of crack addicted compulsive couture shopping wag pals. Im not sure if any of them would be able to point out any royals in the stadium, but their views on tweed are likely to be the same.

Will

er.. this is me with will smith.... he he

This is from my christmas party at madame toussauds, jamie oliver isnt my real friend. yet.

Pommie Dan

He has many vices, but not the ones you would expect.... ;)

Is he english? is he aussie? hes pommie dan to the aussies and aussie dan to the poms. pick which one you would like him to be, and im sure he will oblige! the only thing you cant ask him for is that toe thing, he wont do that.




Here he is pictured with the hilarious Voice Changer. Ive just realised that in most of the pics i have of dan, im licking his face. no, i wont show them.

The Frase

Some people say he uses super mind powers to remove his y-fronts at night... others say he survives solely on a diet of worms and martini olives. I say he's HOT.

Introducing some of the main characters in the Jelly Adventure.......

Mistress Dory

Sweet as cherry pie

but still all WOMAN...

ok. here you are. all this is MINE!!!!!!!!!!! ALLL MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.

Note to self. Don't post drunk again.

Err... any ideas on what the hell I should write about?

Hullo, welcome to jelly adventure royale, big, jiggly blog of me. Stay tuned for my london adventures!